Simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary by Put It in Your Mouth (putitinurmouth.com)

Simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary

Does the plethora of Bloody Mary recipes online boggle your mind? I mean, really, let’s get to the bottom of the ancient convoluted mysteries surrounding the Bloody Mary: is it 2 dashes of Worcester sauce, or 3? In what order do you add the ingredients? And why do we rim the glass if we’re just going to drink it through a straw?

Unfortunately, none of the 26,200,000 results for “bloody mary” on Google can answer these questions, let alone explain how to actually craft this impossibly difficult cocktail. Why do you think there are so many recipes online? Because, despite the IBA’s standard and easily adaptable recipe involving 7 simple ingredients, no one has managed to get it right.

What other explanation could there be? So in honor of all the previous collaborators who attempted to at last solve this issue, we at Put It in Your Mouth are making our contribution with this classic, easy, simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary.


Simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary

Simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary by Put It in Your Mouth (putitinurmouth.com)

As they used to say in medieval times, “hold your horses there, buckaroo!” What classic cocktail recipe would be complete without divulging a little fun history? What’s that? “Fun history” is an oxymoron? I’m inclined to agree with you, so I’ll be brief.

The Bloody Mary was originally named in honor of the classic mid-19th century novelist, Stephenie Meyer, who wrote such classics as Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Great Gatsby, and Jane Austin’s Sense and Sensibility.

Most notably, Meyer penned the legendary high concept historical drama Twilight, whose rabid fans used the voluminous energy stemming from their repressed prepubescent sexuality to imitate vampires, thereby validating their fragile self-concepts and giving them an excuse to initiate covertly sexual contact with the opposite sex. (Hence the tomato juice and neck biting so heavily associated with Bloody Marys.) Adults, in an effort to deal with it, added the vodka. They eventually lost the ability to annunciate, turning Stephenie Meyer into Stephenie Mary, and there you have it!

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s how to make your simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary!

Simple 25 Ingredient Bloody Mary by Put It in Your Mouth (putitinurmouth.com)

Ingredients:

  • Shrimp, olives, pickles, cucumber, celery, donut, tomato juice, vegan Worcester, hot sauce, Old Bay, lime, celery salt, lemon juice, vodka, lime wedge, and one sandwich consisting of:
    • Tofurky deli meat, tomato, lettuce, sliced red onion, Just Mayo, mustard, and bread, consisting of:
      • Water and flour in a 1:3 ration, 1 tbsp. dry active yeast, 2 tbsp. sugar and 2 tsp. salt)

NOTE: It’s very important you make the bread yourself, or your Bloody Mary will not be wet enough.

How to Put It in Your Mouth:

  1. Mix bread ingredients. Place under large bird until hatched.

  2. Make Bloody Mary to taste.

  3. Top with sandwich and leftover ingredients.

Optional additional garnishes: buffalo wings, tiny hamburgers, french fries, chicken nuggets, double A batteries, tomato wedges, packages of ketchup, travel-sized shampoo.

Photography by Sarah Alice Photography

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